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中式英语——字词准确性9

 
 

欢迎  浦东新区深受广大外商投资者的欢迎,成为外商投资上海的首选。

【查阅辞典】投资者investor欢迎welcome首选〈无〉

【中式英语】Pudong New Area is warmly welcomed by and has actually become the first choice of foreign investors.(摘自浦东新区对外经济贸易局资料)

【求疵笔记】英语welcome和汉语“欢迎”并不完全对等。welcome一般用于人或与人有关之物、譬如主人“欢迎”客人,“欢迎”某人的建议、表演等。而汉语的“欢迎”用得非常宽泛,不仅仅用于人或与人有关之物,凡是表示“青睐”、“追捧”、“好感”等,都可以采用“欢迎”一词。这些“欢迎”大都不能简单的用welcome译出。例如本句就是如此。再如“本公司的产品深受消费者欢迎。”This company’ products appeals to the consumers.“这部影片广受女孩子们欢迎。”This movie has been widely acclaimed among young girls.“这位歌星在90年代非常受欢迎。”The singer achieved great popularity in 1990s.“师生们鼓掌欢迎那位女劳模。”The students and their teachers received the labour heroine with applause.“我校的毕业生受到用人单位的欢迎。”Our graduates found favour with their employers.“本刊欢迎读者来信。”We invite readers’ letters for this magazine.“他一到就发现人们准备夹道欢迎他。”He arrived to find a large crowd ready to greet him.以上句子中的“欢迎”全都不能译作welcome,而且全都不能在汉英词典上找到现成的例句,需要平时积累。

【修改建议】Pudong New Area will appeal to the investors and become their best bet.

 

还给老师   我过去学过一些法语,但现在都忘了,都还给老师了。

【查阅辞典】法语French还给give back,return

【中式英语】Ⅰ learned some French in the past. Now I have forgotten it. l've returned it to the teacher.

【求疵笔记】“过去学过”,统观全句可译作“曾经学得”,这样可与后面的“都忘了”有呼应。“还给老师”是很独特的中国话,如何用准确英语表达,最见译者功力。本译文把“法语知识”像“法语课本”一样“还给老师”,就成了典型的中式英语。New Concept English III 49: They had mysteriously found their way there from the wine-cellar!(酒瓶神不知鬼不觉地从酒窖里跑这儿来了!)可作为翻译“还给老师”的参考:“法语知识”莫名其妙地跑回老师那儿去了。

【修改建议】l used to know some French, but I've forgotten it. It had found its way back to my teacher.(丁衡祁译)

 

环境优雅   天塔城环境优雅,交通便利。

【查阅辞典】环境environment优雅elegant. Graceful

【中式英语】Environment around Sky Tower City is elegant and the traffic is convenient.(摘自《中英文广告实用手册》)

【求疵笔记】本句不能照搬词典将“优雅”译作elegant。因为elegant,graceful等只能修饰人或与人有关的事物,例如elegant in taste (speech, dress, manner)(优雅的趣味、谈吐、服饰、举止)。本句原文“优雅”系“幽雅”之。“环境幽雅”可以译作have(或be surrounded by)favorable(有利的),beautiful(美丽的),quiet(宁静的),cordial(亲切的)environment。为了让这个形容词与“交通”共享,就选择favourable吧。

【修改建议】Sky Tower City is surrounded by favourable environment and traffic network.

 

技术不熟练  职工技术不熟练会导致产品质量低下。

【查阅辞典】职工staff and workers,workers and staff members技术skill熟练skilled,practised

【中式英语】Unskilled staff can result in poor-quality of products.

【求疵笔记】“技术不熟练”是指“有技术,但不完善”。译文unskilled是指“没有技术的”,意思有点过头,没有到位。由于市场竞争激烈,企业的产品结构,管理模式,需要不断创新,才能立于不败之地。不用说,职工的技术水平也要跟上。因此本句“技术不熟练”可译作insufficiently skilled。

【修改建议】Insufficiently skilled staff can result in poor-quality products.

 

取自《汉译英求疵录:从中式英语到准确英语》,曾凯民编著;如有侵权,联系删除

 

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