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避免头重脚轻

中文强调把所有的背景信息、旧信息放在句首,作为铺垫,最后交代新信息或最重要的信息,或表达自己的情感好的英文写作也强调把旧信息放在前面,新信息放在后面。但如果这样做使句子显得头重脚轻、过于零碎或等半天见不到动作的执行者,则需要做适当调整。其实背景部分很长,本身就说明背景部分也是重要信息,值得另外拿出来单独表达。

01

原文:

对于中方的这一法律行动,我想表明以下两点。

原译:

Regarding this legal action on the Chinese side, I have the following two points to make.

改译:

I wish to state the following two points on this legal action.

说明:

这个句子本身就较短,再把背景部分前置就显得零碎。


02

原文:

其次,自1979年欧方对华发起第一起反倾销调查至今30年时间里,欧方共对华发起140余起反倾销调查,是对华发起反倾销调查最多的WTO成员之一。

原译:

Second, since the first anti-dumping investigation launched by the Commission against China in 1979, in the past 30 years, it altogether started more than 140 such investigations against China, the largest number among WTO members.

改译:

Second, since the EU launched the first antidumping cases against China in1979, it has opened 140 cases against China over the past 30 years, making it one of the most frequent users of such measures against China.

说明:

原译前置部分过长,悬念太多,读者可能不耐烦。修改后句子干净利落。本句中多处出现China,但似乎难以避免。读者也许会想到更好的译法。


03

原文:

尤其是近两年,全球都面临金融危机的艰难时期,中欧本应携手应对金融危机,共同反对贸易保护主义,但是,欧方却频频对华发起反倾销调查。

原译:

Particularly in recent two years when the whole world has been plagued by the tough time of financial crisis, China and the EU should have worked together to rise to the crisis and fight against trade protectionism, however, the Commission launched frequent anti-dumping investigations against China instead.

改译:

In the last two years especially , the EU has chosen to launch a number of investigations against China, at a time when the world has been wrestling with the financial crisis and the two sides should be working together to deal with the crisis and resist protectionism instead.

说明:中文铺垫部分很长,译为英文如果仍按照中文顺序,读者可能一时抓不住要领,心里不耐烦。这部分后置,作为对重要论断的补充说明,也言之成理。另外,这部分较长,就说明也是相对重要的信息,放在句末这样的重要位置也不为过。

当然,也可以保留原文的叙述顺序:This is especially apparent during the last two years. At a time when the two sides should have been working together to overcome the financial crisis and resist protectionism, the EU has chosen to launch a number of investigations against China.


取自《理解与表达:汉英翻译案例讲评》,李长栓、施晓菁著,如有侵权,联系删除

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