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中式英语——字词准确性16

东风万里送香来,上界千花向日开
企图

在科技史上,曾经有人企图制造永动机,但都没有成功。

【查阅辞典】企图attempt,seek,try永动机 perpetual motion machine

【中式英语】In the history of science and technology, someone attempted to make the perpetual motion machine, but they had not succeeded.

【求疵笔记】本句“企图”用attempt译出当然不错,但是进一步推敲,我们可以发现“有人企图”和“没有人成功”的主语,都暗含在attempt 之中了,所以我们可以径直采用attempt作主语。

【修改建议】 In the history of science and technology,all attempts to make the perpetual motion machine had proved unsuccessful.

恰逢

中国近代史学始建于20世纪初期,恰逢西方学界对过去半个多世纪中史学的最新进展进行总结。

【查阅辞典】恰逢(无)

【中式英语】Modern historiography appeared in China in the early twentieth century in which some Western scholars were working to summarize and generalize new developments in this discipline in the past half century.(摘自《清华大学学报》)

【求疵笔记】“恰逢”虽然在汉英词典中找不到对应的英语表达式,但不难译作just when,just then,coincide,coincident,simultaneously,meanwhile,at the same time,in the meantime,concur,concurrent等,可视上下文的语法关系而选择使用。本句译文用in which译出“恰逢”,结果造成“西方学者为中国史学进行总结”的误解。

【修改建议】China's modern historiography emerged in the early twentieth century, just when Western scholars were summarizing the developments of this discipline over the previous half a century.

全球化

推动中国的全球化进程

【查阅辞典】推进carry forward,push on. advance,give impetus to全球化globalization进程progress

【中式英语】carry forward the progress of globalization in China

【求疵笔记】当笔者在某西方媒体上第一次读到Globalizing China这个标题时,非常震惊.不是被它表达的观点,而是被它的表达形式所震惊。这个标题确实没有什么新意,它的意思是“推动中国的全球化进程”,全球化浪潮汹涌澎湃,中国自然不可能漠然视之,置身世外。问题是如果我们把“推动中国的金球化进程”再翻译回英语,立即就会产生如本句译文那种索然寡味,夹七夹八的中式英语。西方媒体的表达方式如此要言不烦,如此准确无误,令人叹为观止。中式英语与准确英语之间的差距之大,恍然两者不是同一种语言。由此推理,“推动中国的现代化进程”的准确英语不是carry forward the progress of modernization in China,而是modernize China,或者modernizing China。“武术国际化发展的对策”可以不译作measures for the internationalization of martial arts(摘自《体育科学研究》)而详作measures to internationalize martial arts,或者measures for internationalizing martial arts

【修改建议】globalize China


取自《汉译英求疵录:从中式英语到准确英语》,曾凯民编著;如有侵权,联系删除

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